Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Countdown to Emily - 3 days and 4 nights

I'm still waiting on the my ex's attorney to give me a full address for where I'm supposed to collect Emily on Saturday at midday in Panama City FL.

I had a long heart-to-heart with my better half this evening because I said I didn't care about whether her principal would give her paid or unpaid leave - if you're coming, you're coming and if you're not, you're not.

That didn't come out right and reads worse than when spoken but still, it didn't come out right.

Truth is, as the time comes nearer and closer my emotions and nerves become shot and the only way I have found to contain myself and exercise the self-control so vital in these situations is to become cold inside - nothing else matters but the immediacy of getting the other side to finally agree - to jump through the hoops they want you to jump through - to get to where you must be physically and most of all, deal with the crushing disappointment when Emily is not there or control all your feelings of overwhelming love and emotion because remember, she's just a 7 year old kid caught in this horrible mom-made situation.

3 long years of not seeing Emily - not knowing her - not being there for her.

A FaceBook friend made a simple comment - 3 days to go - he knows me too well though we have never met.  

A vicarious acquaintance nodding in the direction of my vicarious child.

Daddy loves you Emily Rose - nothing vicarious about that.

Time to pretend life is normal for just a short while longer.


Anonymous said...

you talk a lot of rubbish

Anonymous said...

I do hope that you get to see Emily this time after so much time and sacrifice! I hope we will all be reading about a happy day soon! Keep strong.